The Plight of Tottenham Hotspurs

A quick summery I did recently of the plight of a certain North London football club. It's something I whipped out for the Premier League Owl website, and I feel it's worth sharing with you chaps and chapettes!

Imagine the Premier League as a student house party, and its teams as the guests. Man Utd would be the smarmy, self assured hosts gloating at how well they can host a party; Man City the pretty rich boy looking to upstage the hosts, and at this particular party it is Wolves who are now in A & E having their stomach pumped.

    But what role in this analogy is there for Spurs? Undoubtedly they are the geek who convinces themselves that this will be the night they finally get lucky. They make all the right moves, dress in the right clothes, send out all the right signals, but by the time everyone else has grabbed the last taxi home with a pretty girl on their arm Spurs remain alone, and doomed to another lonely night with a hangover to contend with in the morning.

    This season has been a particularly cruel hootenanny for the North London team. After all, it started so brilliantly for them. After an early wobble they threw themselves into the festivities with great gusto. They played with zip, flair and confidence, and watched on from a position of smugness as their London rivals uncharacteristically spluttered and stalled. The big problem, however, was that with the summit in sight the team suddenly realised that they hadn’t brought a safety harness. So when their foothold began to crumble there was nothing to stop their plummet downwards like Wile E Coyote, with their rivals watching their descent like incredible smug roadrunners.

     What cause could there be for the team that showed such promise to have crashed so spectacularly? Many will see at the departure of a furrowed browed Italian from a certain managerial position as the key factor. Redknapp strenuously denies this, as well he might, but even so he must be looking to Wembley Stadium with pound signs in his eyes. Fans will also point the finger at some questionable refereeing decisions, like Balotelli’s silent but deadly stamp on Parker at the Etihad, not to mention the goal-that-never-should-have-been in the recent FA Cup Semi Final, an event that must have had Sepp Blatter cackling against the lightning streaked sky from his cliff top castle.

     Or maybe it’s simply a case of Spurs lacking the experience to maintain a consistent challenge. Their players are talented undoubtedly, capable of playing at speed with the ball on the ground, Modrić and Parker prowling the midfield, Bale and Lennon zipping down the flanks before Adebayor and Van Der Vaart apply the finishing battering ram. Trouble is, Spurs don’t really have a plan B, and when players either fail to perform or are injured, those that remain don’t know what to do next. The team as a whole has relied too much on their midfield for their goals, and lack a Van Persie-esque striker to reward their creative play with the goals it deserves. The fact that Spurs have the worst record at scoring from corners in the league is a telling statistic.

    But Spurs’ problems will only increase should they fail to reach fourth. Last summer Redknapp took on a Del Boy persona, reassuring players that wanting to leave that ‘next year, we’ll be millionaires.’ He convinced the likes of Modrić to stay on that promise, but if he were to go to England and Spurs not qualify for the Champions League, would they stick around or would they be seen running for the nearest Barcelona and Chelsea coloured Robin Reliants.

    There has been the decided whiff of old fashioned sitcom about Spurs’ season, the characters acting on a promise of greater things before it all dissolves into chaos. All is far from lost though. Should they win their last four games (which on paper are all winnable), then their season may yet end happily depending on other results. After all, every geeky student ends up getting lucky eventually.